i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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