it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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