trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
