You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
