guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck appropriateness.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
