i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
