Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
