My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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