What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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