we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
