You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
