ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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