Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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