Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
