:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
