I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
