I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
