Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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