for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
