I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
