Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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