last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize