Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
