he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
