Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
