I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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