And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
