Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
