i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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