It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You pole danced in your parka.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
