did you get engaged???
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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