you would pick up someone in the library
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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