i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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