I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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