why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
