He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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