he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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