No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
