I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
