If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
