my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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