I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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