I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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