Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
