census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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