I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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