at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
