he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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