I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
