It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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