shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
