Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
