Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
