i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Michael Bay diarrhea
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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