There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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