Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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