Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
