i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
