They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
