oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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