I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
