what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
