i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
