Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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