She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
