you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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