God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
