honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
