Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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