I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this will be a night to untag.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
