so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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