Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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