other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i believe in u and ur pee
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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