nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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