I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
